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| At this very moment some where in the world is a school. Within it is a particular class with a teacher handing out a blank page to his or her students. Walking back to the front of the class this teacher proceeds to tell their students the following; Today we're going to write a letter to ourselves. Write down your thoughts about what is going on in your life right now, and then include where you want to be / be doing in 5-10 years from now. The above is an exercise I've never actually been given in school by any teacher. Before going to bed last night I asked myself; What are my thoughts on what's going on in my life right now? What do I want to be doing in 5-10 years from now? With that said what will I actually be doing in that time? Am I happy? I intend to answer these questions. I think about and question my past on a regular basis, this to me is a paradox in and of itself as I fully know I can not change the past. It is a self defeating practice as I dread the things I've had to endure and do. Yet thinking about how things would have turned out differently amuses me so that I continue to do it anyway, but accept them for what they are, and try my best not to dwell on them for long. Regardless, the person I've turned out to be thus far is on I am proud of. Yes, I have my vices, but in the grand scheme of things I do believe I'm still a decent person with them. It's these vices that in fact keep me in check. A proof to self that I am not perfect, and must strive to be a better person. At this very moment the events unfolding in my life are that of mild annoyance and are overall easily recitfied issues. While in the heat of the moment they seem like mountains, when they are in fact hills with a few steep points but that's just par for the course. I will admit that some of these annoyances are directly linked to what I wish to be doing in 5-10 years from now. I plan to gear my future towards to the outcome of certain events. The initial part of the outcome is of course is entirely up to me, as I am the one who decides the level of dedication I will put forth, and I plan to take that level to new heights. As I've put up in my MSN nick... So This Is What 11 Feels Like. I am happy with myself, I am happy with the way things have worked out thus far, and I am happy with the way things are going. In the words of a Garbage Song Title, "The Trick Is To Keep Breathing". | | |
| Over the weekend I had this thought and it was that we are like clay, just a blob of clay moving about doing stuff. While we have a semblance of a shape its not fully made out or 'finished', floating around us are various sculpting tools with which to shape clay... however these tools are not meant for us, they are meant for those around us. As you walk down the street all of the people around you help to shape your clay, however minor a 'touch-up' its still helping to add to your definition. Those closer to us are the ones who help shape us, give us form, and define us and our features.
I've spent the last 6 days with this thought in my head, going about my regular affairs and stuffs... trying to see what part of me those in my life are working to shape, or what area is it that they are helping to define.
Over the weekend Pillz lent me a manga... yeah I know, how childish of you J reading a comic book... but I swear, this manga, is probably the most awe inspiring piece of work I've ever read. When I read works that truly bring inspiration to me music plays in my head... the music of this comic is something I've become entranced to.
Having the thought I had... getting back into the flow of project work with my friends... having Pillz randomly lending me that manga... to have that manga add affirmation to my thought.
Thank you Pillz... Thank...You...
"I drew Solanin when I was about 24 years old. I had just graduated from college and was feeling a bit insecure about my ability to succeed as a manga artist and whether I would be able to continue to draw manga that were true to myself. In my anxiety and impatience, I felt that all I could do in my manga was try to get a true depiction of the times as experienced by my generation.
Lovers, friends, money, jobs, a society with an unclear future, ones own pride... Writhing in these multiple, entangling factors, perhaps they are unable to draw any conclusions. Perhaps that instant now is just a small part of their futile daily lives. The only thing thats certain is that they can never return to the days gone by.
There's nothing cool about these characters. They're just your average 20-something who blend into the backdrop of the city. But the most important messages in our lives don't come from musicians on stage or stars on television. They come from the average people all around you, the ones who are just feet from where you stand. That's what I believe.
-Inio Asano, 2008"
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| As the tide of a new day sweeps upon the shores of yesterdays past... ok I just wrote that because it sounds fancy and cool, but I have no idea where I'd bring such a comment, so I'll restart. Not really sure how to start this, the 2 subjects I have in my head blend nicely at the end, but its the beginning I'm having an issue at properly conveying. I'll start with reflections! "You are a reflection of your friends", this is something I have a hard time to deal with, yet I see its merit every now and again. It's not a completely false statement but it does leave the question; If I am the reflections of others then just what exactly am I? Do I cast a reflection? What exactly is my image that is reflected through those that I know? I am by no means a religious person, I am the kind of person that believes in doing right by others is to do right by yourself. That also ties into Personal Responsibility, and being accountable for your own actions. My moral and value system has a unique way of dealing with situations, coming up with justifications to various scenarios that I believe follow a certain moral direction. With that said, there are times that I wonder about the moral compass of my friends and family. Just what direction is their needle pointed in, and is their heading anything close to that of my own? In reading a post by someone earlier I am reminded of the fact that I do not open up to people directly. While I want help at times, there are times I wish to be left alone as I feel there are issues I can/should be able to deal with on my own. One of the reasons for this is because part of me can't accept advice or words of consolation from those whom I don't feel don't have a strong enough moral foundation upon which their words are standing on. All of this then brings me back to the reflection that which I cast (the reflection I think I cast, and the reflection that is actually being cast), and the friends / family that I keep around me. If I don't feel these people are of a strong enough moral conviction then what does that say about me? | | |
| When I was younger I would dread events and occasions which required a gift to be purchased. Coming from a poor family I was too afraid to ask my mom for cash, and so would try my best to avoid such events. In the case that I did go, I'd actually goto my dad and ask him for cash because I knew I wouldn't get yelled at for even asking the question. I would always tell myself that when I grow up I wouldn't let money play a role in the gifts I wanted to get those I cared about. This sentiment would be echoed by various friends of mine and we'd even day dream how if we had the cash the kind of things we'd get for one another. There was an episode dedicated to the art of gifts on the TV show "The Big Bang Theory". The premise taken by one character (Sheldon) was that the social gesture of gift getting/giving was a complex and ultimately way more trouble then its end worth and value. A constant state of worry over; who do you buy for, and who do you exclude, what do you get them, are they getting you anything, how much is enough for a gift, etc etc. For me a gift is ultimately what ever you make of it. Should it be a high value (Money wise) item, or something which has no monetary value affixed to it at all. A gift can be anything we want it to be so long as the right intentions and thought are put into it. Take for example a BMW or a Corvette or whatever car, this item would be worthless to its receiver if no true thought and care went into the idea of the purchase. Another example would be a simple walk in the park, the giver showing that they enjoy the receivers company. What upsets me the most in the world of gifting, is when no one thinks about what they are getting another person. When they look only at the monetary value of a gift and base their decision soly on that. As portrayed in the same episode of The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon received a napkin which was used by one of his idols Leonard Nemoy, this gift to him meant more then the world and cost the giver absolutely nothing. He was overjoyed with surprise and happiness so much so that nothing he could possibly give his giver could compensate for what this meant to him. If you have the means, are capable, and feel the receiver would think the world of it.... then what are you waiting for? | | |
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